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Lulzwagen
The Lulzwagen is a red modified modern cargo and passenger van that can fly and travel through time. It is owned by Linz Mondello and serves as a Church transport vehicle. It is not powered by lulz, but Linzy gets many of them throwing ungrateful skeezers out of it. Linzy has gone on many adventures with the Lulzwagen and banged many hoes in the back of the concept microbus and hopes to pick up many more big booty bitches before the forward control camper conks out. __TOC__ Spontanious Purchase Young Linzy Mondello was in a diner one afternoon. When he looked out the window, he saw a curvy voluptuous woman getting out of a green microbus. He immediately approached her when she entered and learned that her name was Mona. Mona (who was 15 years Linzy's senior) ordered a hamburger, French fries and a large diet soft drink. Linzy paid for her food and went with her to a nearby park where he lost his virginity with her. Afterward, Linzy asked Mona if he could "tounge punch" her "fart box" (lick her anus). Mona was appalled by this, kicked Linzy in the stomach, threw him out of the back of her microbus and drove off. The next day he bought a red microbus and went on a search for her. Chasing Mona Linzy got as much information as he could on Mona and tracked her down. She was from Ribeye, Texas and was traveling in her microbus trying to "find herself". Linzy found her and asked her again to lick her fart box. This time, for reasons still unknown to Linzy, Mona agreed to the proposed rim job and they got it on yet again. To celebrate their reunion, Linzy took Mona out for a burger, fries and a diet soft drink. They went to a drive-in and watched a movie before they headed back to her place. On the way there Mona, confessed to Linzy that she had a husband and that she was thinking about getting back together with him. Linzy asked if they could still be friends (with benefits). Mona said no and that they couldn't fool around anymore. Linzy waited until they got out on the highway before he sucker punched Mona in the gut, opened the passenger side door and kicked Mona out of his microbus. Linzy watched in the rearview mirror as Mona rolled down the pavement and laughed all the way back home knowing he'd gotten even with her. This ritual would become his staple for dealing with unbecoming women. Aftermarket Modifications Upon joining the Church of Fatherless Time, Monello's microbus underwent a few 21st century alterations to "update" it and make it a pimped out, panty-moistening pussy magnet. Street Racing Upgrades At sometime prior to Bishops of Bastard: Beginnings - Volume 1, Linzy attended his first street race with and Chris the Pimp and Crazy Brown. Since then, Linzy wanted to turn his van into an oversteering race machine. This was later accompaished in The Raunch and the Righteous. When Mr. R Mcgeddon joined the Congregation, he helped Linzy rebuild the microbus from the inside out, making the vehicle's chassis like an armored tank and it's handling like a sports car. Linzy participated in numerous street races to raise money for new flat screen TVs for Chez Mondello. Flight Capabilities Linzy often peaked into Crazy Brown's lab to see what he was working on. Bishops Brown was testing out an advanced remote control air-cushion device that allowed things to hover and fly. He asked Crazy if he could make his microbus fly with the parts Crazy was using. Crazy told Linzy to leave the Lulzwagen in his possession for one month to see what he could do with it. 25 days later, Crazy had converted the red microbus into a sky-flying air transport. Time Travel Components Upon learning that Masked Bastard had received components for a time machine from an unknown source, Crazy told Linzy that he could use the parts on the Lulzwagen. He wanted to insure that if the Church was ever attacked and destroyed, they could go back in time and prevent it from ever happening. Linzy agreed and Crazy began his work. While waiting for Crazy to finish his work, Linzy waited outside his lab. One night, Linzy saw a red microbus that looked very much like his roll slowly by the Church property. Linzy ran out to the street just before the red microbus sped off and vanished out of sight. When the Lulzwagen was ready for its first time travel experiment, Crazy Brown said that they needed a test subject. Chris the Pimp suggested that they drug Bishop Julio and use him, because his body weight would ensure that the van wouldn't "flip" or "tumble" at top sped. They managed to send Julio one week into the past and successfully return him unharmed. It was then that Linzy realized that the red microbus he saw creeping by the Church a week ago was the time traveling Lulzwagen they had just sent back. Holy Fuck Wagons. Lulzwagen Gallery Peep the game. lulzwagen-van.jpg|The Lulzwagen in van mode. lulzwagen-hover.jpg|The Lulzwagen in flight mode. Haul-ass.jpg|The Lulzwagen hauling ass. Also see: *Harlequin *Sapphire *Chameleon Category:Bishops of Bastard topics